the hospital, part 1

I'm sitting at huddinge hospital in the cafeteria. have just been doing some blood tests, EKG and talked to a doctor about my surgery. they were all very great in every way! i got a little drawing of my heart and some arrows pointing to what's wrong. i have an extra electrical signal that causes my heart to beat faster so they are going to go in and burn it.

its too bad that no talented chefs feel a calling to go into the hospital food business. as well as baristas. maybe one day.... they would seriously make the hospital stays 50% better. id forgotten that coffee could taste this bad.

my next thing is not until another 3 hours, so I'm gonna sit here in the cafeteria and play Theme Hospital. my favorite game from when i was a kid. its seriously so much fun. i bet its even more fun if you're sitting in a hospital while playing it. we'll see...

here's a link if you wanna download it to your mac: (its a PC game, so you'll need to download Boxer first to play it)

http://www.doobybrain.com/2009/11/22/theme-hospital-for-the-mac-using-boxer/

tågresa med i-landsproblem

sitter på tåget hem till lidköping.

det ska bli så skönt att vara hemma i några dagar. stockholm kan nog aldrig riktigt kännas hemma. det är så många andras hem på något sätt.

sen jag flyttade har jag upptäckt en ny (eller snarare uppdaterad och förstärkt) form av ilska. det är ilskan man känner när tunnelbanedörrarna går igen precis framför en. eller när man ser bussen åka förbi. som jag sa, visst har man känt den känslan förut. men av någon anledning så har den gått till nya dimensioner nu. plus att den också framkallas nästan varje dag.

man tror att man har bråttom på något sätt. men egentligen har man ju väldigt sällan så bråttom så att det bli världens grej. nästa tunnelbana kommer ju oftast inom 4 min.

ändå blir man lika arg varje gång. och nästan varje gång så blir jag lika förvånad över mig själv. sluta bli så arg.

idag konfronterades jag av två andra löjliga i-lands problem.

* den första är att man alltid måste torka av iPhone displayen när man har pratat för att det kommer smink på den. (inte har jag väl ens så mkt smink?)

* den andra var när jag klev på tåget och insåg, till min förtret, att det inte fanns något eluttag. hur var det tänkt att jag skulle kunna kolla på film på datorn då? som om det var deras problem att lösa... men återigen blev jag frustrerad. sen kollade jag batteriet på datorn. nåja, 50%. då kan jag se ett avsnitt av greys anatomy....

* åh nej! jag hade glömt dvd skivorna. ok. då får jag väl streama det då...

* varför är mitt mobila bredband långsamt? jag måste VÄNTA 1 min innan jag kan börja kolla.

kanske är det bara jag som är psycho och lever i en knäpp värld?

meeen...... kan ni inte känna igen er iaf lite?

det är sjukt att dessa knäpp problem får påverka vår vardag.

vad GJORDE man förr i tiden när man åkte häst och vagn i dagar i streck?

sunday

goals : bored

there are so many things you want in life.

big things like a happy family. small things like a nice dinner.

we put up goals for ourselves. and look forward to the day when this goal will be fulfilled or that goal will expand into a bigger goal.

sooner or later we either achieve the goal or realize that we'll never achieve it (which will hopefully be due to the fact that it wasn't a great goal to begin with).

and while you're in the process of reaching for your goal you never really stop to think what you'll do once you get there. hopefully the goal will have gotten you a step closer to the biggest goal in life or at least made the way there more fun or more comfortable.

and then you start all over again. because we don't like living without goals. cause whats the point if we don't have a goal? the point is the goal, right?

2 yr ago:

one goal was to finish college. me and freddy had been dating for about two months. so another goal was to pursue our relationship and figure out the next step. i was pumped about church and was setting up goals in how i could build ministry (wherever that ministry would be).

1 yr ago:

my goals from the previous year were reached. I had graduated college, gotten engaged and was heavily involved in building the youth ministry in my church back home.

my goals were 1. to get married 2. to get into music school 3. to find somewhere to live in sthlm 4. for freddy to learn swedish and find a job

today:

all the goals from the previous year are reached.

we are married. we live in sthlm. I'm in music school. freddy knows swedish and has a full-time job.

so what now?

i realize that this much stuff don't normally happen within such a short time. So maybe the goal process could slow down a bit? or stretch out and become more longterm goals?

but to be honest i feel kind of bored. immensely thankful and grateful. but a bit bored.

coffe hijacked

life is interesting. that's what keeps it interesting.

for some reason i always wake up at 4 am when i have nightmares. 4.00am, every time.

so as i was being chased by the leader of a gang high up on some electrical wires in central stockholm it came as no surprise when i startled awake and looked at my phone. 4 am on the dot.

when staring at the feeling for a few minutes i tried to shrug off the scary feelings awaken by my dream. i tried to imagine how stupid all of this would feel in a few hours in broad daylight. but it never works. you still feel scared to fall back asleep. since you always wake up just as something was gonna happen (in my case just as the leader was closing in on me) your scared of the dream jumping right back in as soon as you fall asleep.

distraction usually works, so i put on some gilmore girls. the flickering from the tv woke up my not-so-eager-for-it-to-be-morning husband.

after two episodes i fell back asleep for an hour before the nice tone of fleet foxes let me know it was time for freddy to get up for work.

I've been off today, doing laundry and other chores including making lunch and bringing it to freddy. after eating gnocchi's by the water we decided to make a short stop at our favorite café Kura. we met a securitas car as we were pulling up and freddy asked me if they issue parking tickets. i said NO.

after ordering coffee the car comes around again. turns out they do. freddy got out in time and moved the car, i ran out with a take-away cup and off he went to finish his route.

and here i am, still at the café with a picture of michael jackson's dead body in front of me (in the newspaper).

so what to make out of the rest of this day?

music school.

monday was my first day at the royal music college of stockholm. the upper secondary school teaching program.
dont really know why they call it royal. i guess you can call things royal if they are in the capital? and it sounds fancier...
registration was at 9am. papers, mugshot, id card etc.
when i was done i went to sit down in the cafeteria. i just picked a random table. then it turns out i ended up in the brass section of the classical music program. i guess the odd looking instrument cases should have tipped me off.. they were kind of different. kept talking about their gigs and accomplishments. another guy sat down (also brass) and asked me what i played, a girl next to me leaned over and said: "aw, she's in the teachingprogram".
i was to polite to leave, i sat there and messed with my phone.
we were divided into three big groups (across all the institutions: jazz, classical, folkmusic, teaching, composition, church musician) and had three workshops mon-tues: singing, moving/rhythm, playing. Our first one was after lunch: playing. we were like a big ensemble with lots of instruments playing grooves and stuff.

tuesday we had the other two workshops. i show up in a dress and pantyhose. i had blindly forgotten that we had moving/rhythm, and even if i had remembered, i dont think i would have brought a change of clothes anyway. 3hrs of african dancing with live drums. the guy was quite a weirdo, talked about balls of energy.
he did say something quite interesting. he said that you can never play music wrong, ever. its an expression. if you hurt your hand you will scream as an expression of pain. no one can tell you that you screamed wrong, or that you screamed right since it was an expression of your pain. he meant that it was the same with music.
the next workshop was singing. this was the best one. it wasnt just about singing but also about stage presence. we did lots of great exercises and learned som cool songarrangements.

today we had lots of information about stuff. i got to put a fire out during the fire hazard training. tonight there was a concert put together with everything we learned during the workshops. to be quite honest i bailed. i just didnt really wanna stay.
me and freddy made food and are now watching the movie The Prestige. a great movie we've both seen before.

i just ordered some stuff from amazon uk. cs lewis books, some coldplay and mumford vinyls, gilmore girls dvds. all for only around 1000:-.

i cant wait for school to actually start, this is just kind of an intro week so its hard to tell what its gonna be like.

*

freddy's birthday.

good evening everyone.
the morning started with hot chocolate for the birthday boy/man.
i actually already gave him his gift at 12.01 last night, but it turned out he didnt remember anything i said in the morning. so he was kind of waiting for me to announce his gift and i already thought he knew. anyway: Brad Paisley tickets!

the wonderful birthday barbecue just finished. lots of amazing people came and brought life and love to our home. we have a big barbecue area in the courtyard and it was soon filled with laughter and the smell of barbecue. so many of our awesome new hillsong stockholm friends came. they are honestly such amazing people, all of them.
(the not so amazing part was the weird neighbors with weird opinions about everything)
after we brought the cake out, and sung the birthday song, we played a round of apples to apples.
now freddy is talking to his family, wearing his new socks that bossan gave him.

tomorrow im working at the toystore again, third shift this week. it's a lot of fun!

today i finished all of our thank you cards from the wedding. ive sowed the word tack (thank you) on each of them with a needle and a thread. that combined with doing laundry and watching gilmore girls took up most of my day. who says you cant to three things at the same time?

*